Don’t Tell Me A State School Offers More Support: How Neglect Led to My Son’s Infection
As a mother, I want what every parent desires for their child - love, care, dignity, and an opportunity to learn in a safe environment. When my son started at a new state school, I was hopeful, clinging to the promises of support and inclusion. But within just seven days, my heart was shattered.
Every day that week, my son came home with his underwear completely soaked. He was wearing specialised incontinence underwear, designed to absorb and protect, yet day after day, it was drenched. Despite my constant communication with the school, nothing changed. By the end of that week, he had developed a painful rash and an infection in his foreskin from sitting in wet clothes for hours in the Queensland heat, where temperatures exceeded 30 degrees. The discomfort and suffering he endured were unimaginable.
If this kind of neglect had occurred in a workplace, like our butcher's shop, where an employee was left to sit in wet underwear all day and ended up with an infection, Workplace Health and Safety would be after us immediately. In a daycare centre, educators would face severe consequences if a child developed a severe rash from neglect. Daycare centres are independently audited, ensuring accountability for the care of the children. So why is it acceptable for our children to be subjected to this in schools? Where is the accountability in the education system?
By the end of that devastating week, I took my son to the doctor, who confirmed not only the rash but also an infection. This was completely avoidable. It’s beyond unacceptable - it’s unsafe, unsanitary and deeply distressing.
What hurts the most is that despite our tireless efforts - emails, meetings and providing all necessary reports and plans - the school never implemented any meaningful changes. We handed over detailed information from occupational therapists and a clear toileting plan, but nothing was put into action. The school failed to meet even the most basic needs of my son, and the result was his suffering.
What makes this even more heartbreaking is that the school administrators were not strangers - they were people I had worked with for years as a teacher. They were colleagues and friends. Yet, instead of addressing the issue, the deputy principal and the principal’s wife panicked and attempted to cover it up by going to my son's class before the end of the school day to change his pants, but they couldn't. I had anticipated this move and arrived early, with my son’s bag in hand, witnessing the panic in their eyes as they realised they couldn't fix the situation. The following day, on what would be my son's last day at the school, I predicted their actions again and arrived 40 minutes early, keeping an eye on his classroom. The deputy principal, who I once considered a friend, pretended to be heading to another class but secretly snuck around to my son's room, only for my son to come home in wet underwear yet again.
This neglect wasn’t just an isolated event. It was a clear indication of a broken system - one that refuses to take accountability for the care of vulnerable children.
Our children deserve better. If this kind of neglect in schools happened in any other industry, there would be immediate and serious consequences. So why are our children subjected to such treatment without any repercussions? Why isn’t there independent auditing in schools to ensure the safety and dignity of every child? There must be an independent body to investigate incidents like this and hold schools accountable for their failures. When I reported this to the Department of Education, it fell on deaf ears—no action was taken, no investigation followed. Without a proper system of accountability, our children are left vulnerable and that is simply unacceptable.
I don’t want to hear that my son will get more support in a state school. The truth is, he didn’t. He lasted seven days, and it resulted in a severe infection that could have easily been prevented with basic care and decency.
Our schools need to be held accountable. Our children deserve dignity and a safe learning environment. It’s time for this system to change.
Before we made the decision to remove our son from the school, we sent the following email to the principal and deputy principals, outlining the continuous issues our son faced. We poured our hearts into this email, hoping it would prompt some action or, at the very least, an acknowledgment. However, we NEVER received a reply—not even a simple, "Thank you for letting us know; we will look into it and get back to you." The silence spoke volumes about the lack of care and accountability in the school’s response to our son's needs.
Dear Principal and Deputy Principals,
We write this email with broken hearts and disappointment.
Every day this week, our son has come home with saturated underwear – photos attached. He wears specialised underwear for incontinence, designed to absorb and protect. So, with that in mind, they have been drenched, every day.
On Monday, we went straight from school to swimming and when we arrived at swimming, our son immediately jumped out of the car and did a bush wee. So, I didn’t think anything of his wet underwear as I thought it may have been a result of our son needing to go to the toilet. However, on Tuesday afternoon he once again came home with drenched underwear. I then wrote an email to our son’s support team, highlighting the importance of our son needing to go to the toilet at least every hour and the need for supervision.
On Wednesday afternoon while waiting for school to finish, I watched the movements of our son. Our son and other children were outside the classroom with no adult being outside with them, as I feel they were meant to be getting their bags. Our son ran off from the group to the disabled toilet. A cleaner was cleaning the toilet and told our son to use the senior toilets. Our son ran into the senior toilets. As I was watching our son, a teacher aide walked past. I am sorry I do not know the exact name of the aide, but it was they lady who has been helping the class. I told the aide that our son had run off and was in the senior toilets by himself and I feel no one knew he was in there. She told me that the teacher would have been “watching from the window”. I informed her that someone was meant to supervise our son while toileting and she then informed me that she took our son to the toilet twice that day and our son told her to get out. I then said that “Our son is not the boss, you are” and that supervision was on the plan. The aide is now going to find giving our son directions challenging, as he knows he has the ability to tell her what to do.
On Thursday afternoon, our son once again had drenched underwear and I noticed a red rash all around his groin area. My heart broke. Not only is my son sitting in wet underwear all day, the weather has been hot, our son reeked of urine and now he has a rash. I did not want to take him to school on Friday, but Luke suggested that things may be different with another teacher on the class, as we feel the teacher from earlier in the week has not taken on board a word we or our son’s allied health team have suggested.
On Friday, I took our son to the toilet as normal to empty his tank, however a parent from our son’s class was using the toilet. Another teacher aide was all over it, she came outside and asked if an adult was in there and that she would notify the office. This teacher aide doesn’t miss a beat. The aide then said to our son that she would be with him all day and she seemed excited which was lovely. I honestly thought there was hope with this aide was helping the teacher for the day, that our son wouldn’t come home wet. But still, when I got back to the car after dropping our son to class, I bawled my eyes out.
That afternoon I took our son straight from school to the doctors, in relation to the rash. When our son pulled his pants down to show the doctor, his pants were full of urine. The doctor witnessed the wet pants, the rash around his groin and an infection in his foreskin – Medical Certificate Attached.
Our son wearing wet underwear has never happened, even during his toilet training. This has only started occurring at school this year. It is unhygienic and a serious safety issue.
Every afternoon, besides Thursday, a Teacher Aide has informed me that our son is able to go to the toilet independently. Our son can go to the toilet by himself, but he does not always experience success.
What is disappointing, is that both Luke and I and our son’s allied health team have consulted the school, but we are yet to see any reasonable adjustments take place. Please find attached all information provided to the school.
It explicitly states an OT report:
Toileting/Dressing
Our son has a small bladder and forgets to go to the toilet if he is busy doing activities.
Our son needs to be reminded to go to the bathroom, every hour.
Our son prefers to stand.
Our son requires prompting to pull down his pants far enough and remain focused on aiming.
Use direct prompting e.g. watch what you are doing, you need to get it in the bowl.
Shut down conversation when our son is toileting, to reduce distraction.
Limit other distractions within the bathroom (e.g. peers).
On Tuesday, follow 2 days of wet underwear, I attached a Toilet Plan for our son to my email, explicitly outlining the process of supervising our son during toileting – Please find attached.
We understand a period of time is needed to “get to know” our son, but there are certain things that needed to be in place day one. All this information was provided to the school.
We feel we are not being heard. Yes, we have been listened to, but we are yet to see anything be put into action. Expect for supervision during play. We appreciate having a set of eyes on our son during break time, as it was mentioned in the OT report;
Our son has poor gross motor skills (is clumsy) and has a high pain threshold. Our son needs to be supervised due playground times, as he falls frequently, can’t identify any pain, and has reduced ability to retell what happened.
Another example is the chair. It states in the OT report “sitting at a specific chair our son can tuck in”. I mentioned this to the teacher during our visit on Wednesday 2nd February, about having a ski-leg chair for our son, as he is unable to tuck in a normal chair. On the first day, there was a normal chair for Our son and at the start of the 2nd day, there was still a normal chair. A ski-leg chair is a reasonable and easy adjustment, however it was not being executed. So, if the teacher was too busy to get a chair, I went to got one for her. When I dropped this chair off, she told me that our son did fine yesterday with a normal chair. Both our son’s OT and Luke and I find that very hard to believe. Especially too, considering the feedback I received on the first day was that “she didn’t notice him much”.
In addition, the seating position. I suggested moving our son closer to the front due for his vision. The teacher did make me aware that she doesn’t use the board much, but I still feel the position is not ideal for our son, not only in relation to his sight, but auditory processing and attention. I actually feel with the seating arrangement in the classroom it is not ideal for any student, as a teacher cannot face 3 directions at once.
In relation to our son’s learning, our son uses an iPad. In the Zoom meeting during the student free days, the teacher seemed very confident in using apps and technology for learning. However, there has not been one sheet uploaded to our son’s iPad. It clearly states in the OT Report:
Our son is completing all handwriting/sentence creation and spelling tasks on his iPad. He uses an external clevy keyboard, and the apps clicker and notability to engage in the curriculum tasks. Our son requires support to get into apps and navigate to correct pages. This skill would improve if the apps were included consistently and preloaded with the specific word banks or worksheets required for the lesson plans, in an organised way (e.g. go to the maths folder- same as peers would be asked to get their maths book).
We have been advised in the past that if our son is expected to write with a pencil, which is a physical challenge for him, this can be viewed as a form of harassment. That is not say that our son can’t use a pencil. Writing should be encouraged, but he requires adult scaffolding to do so, to assist with letter formation etc., as written in the OT report:
When our son is writing any letters, he is to be explicitly made to do so with correct formation. If this cannot be scaffolded, please refrain from pencil to paper letter formation as incorrect formations will not allow development of appropriate and effective motor patters.
Luke and I have worked so hard for years to ensure our son has every opportunity for success. We have an amazing team around our son, who have done some amazing work with our son since he was 15 months old. Our son is a beautiful boy, with a kind heart and great manners. But we need people around our son that enable him, not disable him. Dylan Alcott hit the nail on the head during an interview on The Project “My advice is to non-disabled people. It’s time for non-disabled people to challenge their unconscious biases and give people with a disability the opportunities we deserve and lift your expectations on what you think we can do, because it’s always more than you think!”. I have been told a number of times during the first week of school that “Our son is not the lowest”. I really don’t care where he sits in the class. The gap Luke and I and our son’s therapy team are trying to close is where our son currently is and where the average age equivalent is, that’s our goal. We would hope the team you surround our son with at you Queensland State School shares the same goal.
We would like to meet sometime this week to ensure we move forward and work effectively as a team.
We look forward to hearing from you,
Michelle and Luke
